Friday, January 07, 2005

The president is safe

I spent almost the entire day in the hospital getting poked, prodded, and drained in preparation for a surgery that I will have later this month. When filling out a certain form for the second time I flipped through the "notice of privacy practices" brochure that they offered me.

Well hot damn the president is safe people. No, I repeat, No terrorist were found in my upper Gastrointestinal tract.
"We may disclose your health information to authorized federal officials so they may provide protection to the president, other authorized persons or foreign heads of state or for the conduct of special investigations to the extent permitted by law"
The thing that bothered me is that without my permission they would not tell me wife anything short of a simple "he died" without being in trouble of the law. But if a badged federal agent comes up and demands a copy they would deliver it in a second.

I cannot opt-out of them getting a copy because that's the law and there was no option available. The government has decided for me they should be allowed free access to information about me that not even my wife could get if she begged.

But wait!
"we may release your health information to authorized federal officials for lawful intelligence, counterintelligence and other national security activities authorized be law."
That's right people. My upper GI images could hold the map to Bin Ladans hideout, or even worse.
{insert ominous organ music for effect}
How the hell can my inners be involved with national security?

I called the HIM(Health information management) department at the hospital and they were not even sure themselves.

So dear feds. in power. My upper GI tract does not have any of the following if you want to know so damn badly
explosives
Bin Ladan
microchips
alien probes
coded messages
chechnyan terrorists
rebellious information
furbies

Please put this in your records for future reference.

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